


Hate

by jllngls



Series: A creation of our desperate mind [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cold piece, Hate, Hydra, Other, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-12-01 21:51:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20909864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jllngls/pseuds/jllngls
Summary: Feelings ? Let's start with Hate.





	Hate

_Hail Hydra._

They killed my family just to get to me. Just to _brainwash_ me. They killed them so that I would give up more easily. And I did. I gave up. I let them control me instead of fighting back. I could’ve resisted. But I didn’t. Instead, I went on every fucking mission they were giving me and I did the job. I killed many and I tortured even more. We were a dozen. I was the strongest, the fearless, the easiest to control. I was the gun in their hands.

_Wipe her. Start over._

I will never be free. Though some could say I am. Theoretically this is true. I do not kill for them anymore. I work against them. But they’re in my mind nonetheless. I see them everywhere I go. I see what they did to me all the time. When I look at myself, I don’t see this pretty, joyful girl that I was before. I see a machine. Something that was used to kill that now is trying to a hold on her.

_Bite._

And those damn words will never leave my head. I’ll never be free of their grip on me.

_Желани_ _e, pжавый_ _, семнадцать_ _, рассвет_ _, Печь_ _, Девять, Доброкачественные, Возвращение домой, Один, грузовой вагон._

My best friend was like me; brainwashed, controlled, used. We both hate them for what they did to us. But now, he’s gone. Killed in a mission. He sacrificed himself for Steve. He never recovered and I don’t think he would have if he were still alive. He lived in the shadow of Hydra. Like me. The ghost, the so-called scientists, they were haunting him like they’re haunting me.

_Your mission._

And I’m alone again.

_Your order._

The thing is, they are brainwashing you. Yes. But there are thing that you can never forget. Like the victims. Men, women, kids, families that I had to kill or that were standing on my way. I remember all of them. Like the cold. It was always cold. Everywhere. When you were about to go to _sleep _it was cold. The air was cold. The snow was cold. The training was cold. People were cold. There was no time to be polite.

_Soldier._

There’s not a thing that doesn’t make me think about them. There is not a day that goes by when I don’t think about them.

_Kill._

But I can’t let go. I have to fight for those who are oppressed by them. Because they’re spreading fear and all I can feel is hate towards them. Because they killed my family. Because my best friend was destroyed and now is dead due to them. Because Steve is now depressed. Because families were destroyed. Because innocent children are orphans. Because married women or men are now mourning widows. Because they broke me. Because I’m lonely.

_Erase them._

Because I hate myself.

_Mission report._


End file.
